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Persuading vs. Conflict
God Nuggets, Issue 8
"The good person wins their case by careful argument, not by fighting." "Self-control means controlling your tongue. A quick retort can ruin everything." Proverbs 13:2-3
"Gentle words cause life and health! Griping brings discouragement." Proverbs 15:4:
Presumably, most arguments or fights start off with one party attempting to persuade the other of the correctness of their viewpoint, and vice versa.
 If we fail to present our case with carefully thought-out, logical "arguments," and instead choose to simply vent the intensity of our feelings/emotions; if we fire back with a quick (and hurtful) "zinger" rather than a measured (gentle) response; if in our haste to invalidate another perspective we fail to listen, emotions can become heated, then enraged.
What could have been a calm discussion based on mutual understanding (empathizing with a different perspective) and persuasion based on the merits of your case-creating a win/win situation where everyone feels they've been respectfully "heard"- instead turns into a lose/lose situation where both parties feel doubly aggrieved.
A few tips to avoid this outcome:
- Exercise Self-Control. Don't trigger a confrontation when you're upset. Think it through for a day or two until you've put yourself "in their shoes" to see other people's point of view (that's called empathy). Then wait until you can approach the subject calmly and logically. Never, ever pick up the phone or zap an e-mail in a fit of anger.
- Resist the Quick Retort. If you get "ambushed," try to hold off "firing back" until you get a few minutes to think it through.
- Watch Those "Zingers. They can hurt others for a lifetime and come back to haunt you as well.
by C.V. Doner
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