Listen to Yourself

I am convinced that if we slowed down to listen to what we are actually saying (and with what voice tone) we would speak less…and with more success.

Many of us wonder why we are not more successful in our communications, whether it is with our co-workers, family members, or any one else we may be trying to persuade to our point of view.

If you are not as successful at communicating, as you'd like to be, start noticing people's reactions. I mean really notice: slow down and actually take note. Why are they reacting that way…maybe it's something you said? Or more likely how you said it! Then start listening to yourself.

I am convinced that if we slowed down to listen to what we are actually saying (and with what voice tone) we would speak less…and with more success. Some of us just rattle on and on without any regard to how we may be affecting the other person, who, long ago lost interest in what we are saying. Much of what we say is just plain silly, or worse, demeaning to ourselves or someone else. Some of what we say in the heat of an argument makes no sense whatsoever.

And then there are those really stupid comments, that we particularly prone to and always regret afterwards. Boy, I'll think, where did that come? Wow, was that inappropriate (or stupid)! (Yes, I'm trying to learn from my mistakes.) Sometimes an apology is in order and sometimes it's better to just let it go and think twice before making the same sort of comment the next time. Surprisingly (to many), the way we say something is truly more important than the actual words we utter. Do we sound distant, distracted, irritated, hurried, angry, excited, supportive or accepting? It is vital to recognize that tone, facial expressions, eye contact and even posture make up the majority of the "communication" you send.

Most of the world's great religious teachers have emphasized that if we talk less, our words tend to be more measured and rooted in wisdom. Perhaps because there are less of them they carry more weight. Bottom line: the old adage "think before you speak" is much more relevant than it may first appear.

by CV Doner, PhD