Creating
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RE-Framing

The Frame

A "frame" is the parameters we place around an event, memory, person, circumstance or relationship that gives it meaning. The frame says, "This means that but not the other." A frame places the picture in context and juxtaposes it with other pictures: in other words, it relates the picture to other pictures so as to say: "This is good/bad; that is a big/small deal; this will make me/happy/sad." Changing the frame will change the experience. Entirely.

The frame we place around an event is not necessarily the only frame available to us. There are probably other frames-often times ones that are more useful and more empowering.

It is a mental-trap to think that the frame you originally choose to place around your life or relationships or career is The Frame. Is it possible that what happened (or what is happening) was that your mind unconsciously searched for a frame and choose the first one that bubbled up into your consciousness? Or perhaps you accepted the frame you were given by well-meaning parents or ministers or teachers or counselors?

One sibling remembers her father's "authoritarian behavior" and says, "I am so grateful for his tough love. I was such a mushy minded person…I would never have learned to be self-governing had it not been for him. Thank you dad." Her brother looks at the same dad with the same behavior and says, "Our dad was an abusive tyrant."

Question: Who saw reality? Answer: Who knows?

More useful question: What frame will be more empowering and serve me on my quest?

Am I suggesting that you deny that a parent slapped you or whatever? No. I am suggesting, however, that there are other frames that will serve you better.

One abused child frames the circumstance as a lesson to never trust a man/woman again. Another child with the same experience frames her past as a lesson in how strong of a survivor she is: "Nothing could ever be worse than that and look: I survived. From here on out life will be piece a cake!"

Do you see where I am pointing? feel what I am driving at? hear what I am saying?

You are in an intense discussion with a loved one. In the past, you knew the frame for this argument and that would lead you to certain conclusions, attitudes and choices of behaviors. Rather than using this tactic, try on the following behavior and see what happens.

In your mind's eye, see yourself floating out of your body and into that your loved one. What are they feeling? What are they seeing? What frame are they placing around this event? Go ahead. Pretend to see through their eyes, hear through their ears and feel through their senses. What is that they perceiving? What is their frame of reference?

Now, float back out of their body and, as you see yourself floating over the two, mentally stand back from both of you, pretend to look down as a disinterested bystander, maybe an alien from another planet who doesn't know the language being spoken. What do you see? hear? feel?

Now, float back into yourself. If you do this, what will happen is that other choices and interpretations will offer themselves to you. You will have different frames from which to mix and match or, at the very least, use for the purpose of sincere empathy.

This is not a matter of ignoring or denying certain things happened. What I am suggesting here is that you can change your experiences--change your responses-by changing how you frame the events.

Positive Frames

How else could reframing be utilized?

What about how frames see your day-to-day activities?

• The head of the Human Resources Department for a multinational corporation does not see herself as merely a cog in the corporate wheel. She is the head of a business that has contracted to work for this corporation. Her team has developed their own mission statement (approved after the fact by her CEO), a vision for where they want this "business" to be in 5 years and have at least 10 projects going that will revolutionize how such "businesses" operate.
  
• A young mother is not "thanklessly rearing a herd of rug rats." She is psychologist, a teacher, a doctor's assistant, the manager of a hotel and restaurant and one of two team members who are rearing children who will make a great difference for good in the world, long after she and her spouse have left the earth.
  
• A Real Estate Broker is not selling houses. He is providing a home where a family will collect incredible memories over the next 10 years: memories that will craft and shape each family member in a way that will propel than into an incredibly rewarding future.
  
• A divorced father is not an "uncle" dad, but has been provided with an awesome opportunity to show what great lengths he will go to so as to "be there" for his children and have his presence felt every moment of very day in their lives.
  

What frame have you placed around your life, your memories, your relationships and your career? Think for a moment. What are the metaphors you use to describe the various contexts of your life? Is life a "war" or a "gift"? Do you refer to your spouse as the "nag" or are your "lover and best friend"? Is your job a "prison" or an "avenue for further education and life formation"?

How will your life be experienced if you choose to see it as a Quest involving your transformation into the individual God created you to become? How will you engage in your day-to-day activities if you choose right now to seem them as opportunities for growth in life-skills, wisdom and love? If you place a frame around your life that says, My life is a precious gifts of infinite worth," what about your life will change?

Whatever you do as you encounter and engage in life, remember that there are always other choices, other frames that may be far more useful to your desired outcomes than the one that immediately presents itself.

Next eSession>

Read more articles on this subject:

Changing Your Mood

Managing Your Gremlins

Written by
Dr. Monte E. Wilson, III
Andrea Higham, Editor
© 2004 God On The Net, Inc. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced without permission.