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eSession
16
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Looking
Back on a Life Well Lived Imagine
yourself nearing the end of your journey here in this world.
You have become the person you wished to be, accomplished such wonderful
things, created and maintained healthy relationships, had so many remarkable
adventures and continued to follow after God with all of your heart, mind
and strength. What a ride
what a journey
what an awesome gift!
As
you look back at your life, reviewing all the goals you have accomplished,
the experiences you have had, the person you have become, ask yourself
this: what values were most useful
in supporting all of this? To state it in another way,
so as to achieve what you wish to accomplish and to become the person
you wish to be, what are the values you will need to propel you along
the way? Let's
look over a handful of your options.
As you read each individual value, allow yourself to imagine what changes
would occur in your life if this specific value were one of your own.
(I also gave some examples of values in the previous article: Why
do I do what I do?) Adventure,
Making a Difference, Justice, Achieving Excellence, Learning, Beauty,
Elegance, Mastery, Being the Best, Freedom, Passion, Caring, Fun, Power,
Challenge, Harmony, Safety, Cheerfulness, Health Success, Comfort, Helping
others, Truth, Contribution, Honesty, Worship, Creativity, Intimacy, Wisdom
Do
you remember Mel Gibson's movie, Braveheart? What was William
Wallace's chief value? This is an easy one. What was his last word before
being martyred? Freeeeeeduuum! The
life he lived, the adventures he experienced, and the heroic deeds he
performed were mostly the product of this specific value. What would have
happened had his chief value been, securrrrrrity? A little different,
eh? How
would your life be different if you changed your number one value? How
would it change if you changed your top five values? You weren't born
with your values. You adopted them: they were installed via your environment.
However unconsciously, you chose your values. If you wish, you
can choose to adopt other more useful values. If
you were to be James Bond, 007, what would your highest values need to
be? To
be motivated in the way and in the direction that he is motivated, what
values would he need to have? Courage? Duty? Honor?
Creativity? Confidence? Mastery? Power? And in what order of
importance would these values be arranged? Ask
yourself the same question regarding Jack Welch, Mother Teresa and either
your significant other or a close friend. So as to be that
person, what values would you need to cherish and hold sacred? Do this
exercise before going on. Now,
pretend to see a circle on the floor in front
of you. The circle can be any circle other than the same color
as your floor. See yourself standing in that circle. See
the "you" that you wish to become. Let your imagination
run free and hallucinate how that you over there in the circle will behave,
feel, respond to life's challenges, relate to others, work, have fun
with
this. After
allowing yourself to watch this new you in that circle over there, stand
up and walk over to the circle. Do not step into the circle,
yet. I want you to imagine yourself stepping
out of the present you-leaving yourself behind, where you can return and
find the present you-and stepping into the new, imagined you.
Step
into this hallucination.
See through new eyes, feel through new senses and hear with new hearing
those new words in your mind and new descriptions of how life is, now.
Walk around in this new you for at least 5 minutes.
Then: do you see that old you over there where
you left him or her? In a minute, what you will do is step
back into yourself, only bringing with you those beliefs and values that
may be integrated into your life in a way that is compatible and congruent
with your personality. Go. Now. Do this before
reading any further. What motivates
you to do "what you do" are your values. "A" will
make me (relatively) happier than "B" because choosing to do
"A" will help me attain or maintain my values more so than choosing
to do "B." So, again, to be that you that you wish to become,
to be that "imagine you," what values will need to be installed?
To begin with, let's keep the list to 5 values. Go
get a piece of paper-of if you are sitting at your
computer, open up a new document file-and answer
this question: so as to become this other wished-for you, what values
would need to be held? To be this other you, to act as she
acted, to feel as she felt, to accomplish what she is accomplishing, what
would your most cherished values need to be? At first, do not "think,"
simply begin noting whatever comes to your mind. Then
what other
values would need to be there? And as you
do this exercise, you will constantly reflect
upon the various contexts of your life-family, friends, career,
hobbies, personal well-being, spiritual life-and consider the impact on
these other areas of your life, noting what may or may not support you
in your various roles and in these various contexts. So,
what values did you come up with? For
the sake of demonstrating what I want you to do, let us say
that the top 5 values you wish to install are: health,
productivity,
courage, serving others and mastery. (As an aside, I do suggest
you consider having health as one of your top 3 values.) Ask
yourself this question. What do I mean
by "health"? (Obviously you will be asking yourself
this question about your number one value.) By referring to "health,"
I am speaking about my physical, psychological and spiritual well-being.
Next, ask
yourself this question. What will happen to me
over the course of my life if I do not make this my number one value?
If
I do not make health my number one value, I will
Spend time on this list. Really get into it. When you've exhausted all your ideas regarding the consequences of not having health as your number one value (or whatever your number one value is), I want you to go to a quiet place with this list. Go inside yourself and play a movie where these consequences are r-e-a-l: how will it feel over the next five, ten and twenty years? What do you look like to others? What is happening
to your finances, your relationships, your future success and your spiritual
life? See the consequences
feeeeel the consequences
hear
what you are saying to yourself in those consequences. When
you have done this, take a deep breath, think of something or someone
that makes you smile and go back to your list of new values with this
question: what will happen to me
over the course of my life if I do make this my number one value? If
I make health my number one value, I will
You
are now going to do the same thing as you did with the other list of consequences.
When you've exhausted all your ideas regarding
the rewards for having health as your number one value (or
whatever your number one value is), I want you
to go to a quiet place with this list. Go inside yourself and
play a movie where these rewards are real: how will it feel over the next
five, ten and twenty years? What do you look like to others? What is happening
to your finances, your relationships, your future success and your spiritual
life? See the rewards falling into your lap
feeeeel the internal
rewards
hear what you are saying to yourself while experiencing these
rewards. Do
the same exercise for each of the other four 4 values. If
at any point, you feel uncomfortable, while "trying on" a particular
value, you see or feel that it may have an adverse effect on some aspect
of your life-lay that value aside and sometime over the next day it will
become clear to you precisely where and how the adversity could potentially
occur. When this happens, consider whether you can see a way
of attaining this value without the adversity
or not. If not, for
now, find another more useful value to take its place. Your
choices are limitless. You are not a robot. You are not a victim
of fate, God, the gods, your parents or your environment. You are responsible
(able-to-respond) for who you are becoming, for how you are experiencing
life and for what your life looks like.
It is your choice. |
Next eSession: Patterns
for Living
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