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Avoiding Fools and Other Draining People
By C. V. Doner

Do not cast your pearls (of wisdom/energy) before swine (fools). - Jesus

The evocative image here is one of filthy, indiscriminate animals gobbling up beautiful gems (your wisdom, love, energy) like they were so much garbage.

If you recall times when being with people was painful, frustrating and just plain exhausting - leaving you feeling like a limp rag, with your very essence drained out - chances are you were attempting to impart a pearl of wisdom, encouragement, insight or reason to someone who was unreceptive, and perhaps even combative.

Beware: you may have just encountered a VDP ("Very Draining Person").

Every act of graciousness or patience in the face of irritability, rudeness, combativeness, aggression, anger, and downright idiocy drains you of both good humor and energy. Every attempt to help someone who doesn't want to be helped or to teach someone who refuses to listen can deflate your energy reserves quicker than a hot air balloon struck by lightening. Every display of sympathy or feigned interest in a constant complainer, victim or self-defined "loser" depletes your vital resources and leaves you with a negative residue, the ill effects of which linger long after such an unpleasant encounter.

To fully live life with purpose, passion and power requires both time and energy. You only have a finite amount of these resources to lead the life of your choice, accomplish your goals, realize your destiny and make a difference in the lives of people who are open to growth. Hence the need to diligently guard these precious but difficult to replace resources. Time is the one thing that once spent, you cannot replace. Guard it with your life because it is your life. Second in importance to time is your energy. While it can be replenished, it becomes more difficult the older we get. The greatest single expenditure of energy (as well as time) that we invest is with other people. Every encounter not only consumes your time, but your energy as well, leaving you feeling inspired, invigorated, satisfied and content - or irritable and tired.

Which brings us to four basic types of relationships we must consciously and intentionally choose.

First (and, sadly, the rarest) are VIPs - "Very Inspiring People." This could be a mentor or teacher, a best friend or a casual acquaintance. What they have in common is their ability to inspire, challenge and encourage (and maybe even teach) us to live to our full potential.

On the other end of the spectrum are the VDPs . These "Very Draining People" tend to fall into three general categories. First there are those who always ask your advice but never take it; who "want to change" but steadfastly refuse to do anything different. These are people who interpret every conversation and event through the negativity of their pessimistic or "victim" lens - and those ubiquitous narcissists who want to talk but not listen, whose entire world revolves around them, who are blissfully unaware of your needs and sensitivities or the tedium of their own non-stop chatter.

Also in the VDP category are the know-it-all fundamentalists (of every stripe - Christians, Muslims, New Agers , Evolutionists, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Republicans, Democrats, etc.) who have IT all figured out and have a neat scheme for categorizing every thought under the sun. Of course, they never question their insulated certainty (even in the face of clear evidence to the contrary). Naturally they are quick to point out the error of your ways.

And last but not least: your common vampire VDP, who survives by draining your time, energy, advice, love or money and gives nothing in return - except an incredulous display of ingratitude.

These vampires often show up at work, social events or family reunions; sometimes they even show up in your bed. Rather than having your pearls gobbled up by their selfishness, hostility, irresponsibility, thoughtlessness or personality disorder, choose to recharge your batteries with our other two types: VNPs and VTPs .

VNPs - "Very Nice People" - are positive, pleasant and considerate. They are easy to be with. They may not inspire you (or want to be inspired), but they are great for enjoying a movie, meal or fun activity with.and they won't drain you. Hopefully most of your friends and extended family are VNPs .

VTPs - "very teachable people" - are those who often make life worthwhile. In the company of VTPs , you can truly enjoy fulfilling part of your life's purpose (caring for God's world and helping other people). These are people who need, want and will actually benefit from the encouragement, wisdom, love, time and energy that you invest in them. They may be your children, students, co-workers, clients or even a casual acquaintance. Whoever they are, they will be grateful for the gift of your pearls.

(Author's note: I am indebted to author Gordon McDonald and his book Ordering Your Private World for his classification of people types.)