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Decision-Making: Right Mind, Right Questions, Right People
By Monte Wilson

Part 2: Right Questions

“What will so-and-so think/feel/do if I decide for x” is usually not a primary concern, as it places far too much emphasis on the opinions, beliefs, values, and feelings of people who do not live in your skin, have beliefs and values that conflict with yours or that will change this time next year. Good thing to remember here: honoring others doesn’t require that you submit to them.

“What can I do to escape this depression/lousy relationship/unwanted job,” is another not-so-wise question, as it focuses your attention on what you don’t want (escape the thugs that are chasing me), rather than upon what you do want. Long-term happiness doesn’t come from running away from what you do not want, but running toward what you want out of life.

Some questions that may help:

If everyone is going to be happy with whatever I do, what are my options? (This is for those who wrestle with the fear of man or with allowing empathy for the feelings of others to dictate their decision, rather than to merely inform the decision-making)

What are some great things about needing to make this decision? “I will increase in wisdom.” “My self-respect will increase.” “For once, I will be taking my own stand.” “I can be more fully congruent, aligning my behavior with my values and beliefs.” “I will be learning how to make difficult decisions.” Any question that opens up more possibilities, helps you to change the frame of your decision from one that says, “This is a no-win decision,” to “Man, this is really presenting me with some great possibilities,” is a good question.

If I believed that I am capable of not only making this decision but also of owning the results of my decision, what would I do?

If I believed I was worthy of success/happiness/ love/respect, what would I choose?

If I took my wants, desires, hopes, values, and dreams seriously, what would I do?

Which options will broaden and deepen me as a person? Which of my options give me the greatest opportunities for growth?

How do I know that I am basing my decision on facts or truth: by what or whose criteria have I concluded that I have all the facts needed? How would I know if I were wrong, if there were other facts or truths?

Am I certain about my conclusions … so certain that I am willing to consider other options? And if I am not willing … what does that tell me about the depth of my certainty?

Understanding that our decisions are based on values we are seeking to attain or maintain (love, freedom, security, integrity, peace, etc.), what is the value you are seeking within the context of this particular decision?

Are there other ways or means by which you could attain the same value?

Is it possible that there are other values more important to you and that by deciding as you are considering, you will be in conflict with those higher and more important values?

Is it possible that your values are outdated, that you are seeking to maintain the values you had as a child, values that will not serve you as an adult, or values that will not serve your present vision and dreams? (Hey, if you want more adventure in your life, and your highest value is security … you are going to have some problems!)

Chunking up to your larger vision for life, how will what you decide here help or hinder the attainment of your vision, what you want most out of life? In other words, consider this decision within the larger framework of your life’s goals, aspirations, vision.

One place where you may potentially get better and, heretofore, unasked questions, is talking to the right people.