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The Necessity of Making a Good First Impression
by C.V. Doner, PhD

We all want people to like us, whether it's a job interviewer, a potential client or customer, fellow classmates, club or church members or just a new acquaintance. Not only does their approval make us feel better about ourselves, the fact is, we may actually need their approval. They may well be the key to our financial, educational or relational success.

Even though we all want, need and perhaps even crave a positive assessment from those we have contact with, very few of us ask ourselves, "What kind of first impression" we make upon meeting someone for the first time. Many think, "So what's the big deal?" about a first impression? I'll have other chances. In fact, you may not. A myriad of studies show that people make a judgment about you within four seconds! Since you can't say a whole lot in four seconds you are instantly judged on a dizzying array of fronts: appearance (height, weight, grooming, clothes) and body language (how you walk, stand, your eye contact, your hand shake, hand gestures, and other personal mannerisms) All of these communicate either competence, self confidence and charisma or insecurity, laxness and timidity. Even our overall energy level-effervescent or nondescript (read invisible) charismatic or timid, outgoing or withdrawn, will subconsciously register on the person you've met.

Everyone, including yourself, automatically screens people according to our largely unconscious "filters." For instance, if you're in your twenties looking for a "significant other" you normally won't even notice anyone over 30. If you're sizing up potential business colleagues or employees, those who lack an aura of confidence and professionalism won't register.

Many people feel "invisible," like no one really notices them. That's because they get "screened out" by almost everyone. Part of the problem may be an unappealing or nondescript appearance (for women: bad hair or no make up, drab clothing; for men: unkempt, overweight and underdressed in the typical male uniform: T-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. Combined with a passionateless demeanor, this lack of personal attention can make you "invisible" to many.)

Then of course, we open our mouth and confirm the negative judgment just received. We're opinionated-or worse, have no opinion, so we're perceived as vapid airheads or arrogant snobs.

Of course you can't be all things to all people, so you need to determine what type of person you want to make a good impression on. People are attracted (personally as well as professionally) to people who appear to be similar. Those who at least seem to share the same standards and values subconsciously resonate with us. So if you're looking for work in a rodeo or a partner in a square dance, then a business suit won't help you much. Likewise, jeans and boots won't go over well with the Brooks Brothers set. Likewise, if a shy man is intimidated by "strong women" your charisma and confidence will be a turnoff. Target someone who appears to share your own exuberance.

How can you enhance your chance of making a great first impression?

1.	Figure out whom you're trying to impress. Determine the appropriate "look and feel" you want to project.
2.	Look your best. This means hair, teeth, face, eyes, nails, and clothes. And yes, clothes do make the man or the woman.
3.	Project confidence with direct eye contact and a firm (not crushing) handshake, erect posture and a graceful walk.
4.	Turn up your energy level. Get committed and passionate about something. No one finds a zombie attractive.
5.	If you want people to be interested in you, you need to be interested in them. Most people will perceive anyone interested in them to be interesting! It also helps in you're interesting in your own right. This may mean developing a new or wide variety of interests beyond your job, kids, TV, or a singular hobby. Read widely-especially books on spiritual growth, self-improvement, psychology, religion and cultural issues. Be literate as well as informed. Read a daily newspaper and a weekly news magazine. Surf the net. Watch cable news or intelligent talk shows (not Jerry Springer!). Get involved in church or civic groups.
6.	Most important of all, become self-aware. Know yourself and your purpose for being on the planet. Everyone respects someone who is clear and even passionate about their direction in life.