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Provocative Thoughts From The Next Generation

Adventures of Plato & Socrates

While the old philosophers are not particularly renowned for their sexuality this rendition of the two classic Greek chaps emphasizes the stories they didn’t bother to write down.

P. Socrates, my dear friend, I must have a word.

S. Hmm, well if thy did have a word what would it be?

P. What?

S. Never mind, what can I help you with this time so you can go gloat about “your” new ideas to the men in the steam room?

P. I’m afraid that’s impossible, my membership to 12-hour fitness just expired.

S. Well that’s a shame, I suppose your ability to renew it did as well?

P. I do not have time for silly things like physical workout and enjoying the sauna, I have been far too busy, occupied by my thoughts and conversations with…… others.

S. Well done, you have successfully fooled yourself into thinking you are not lazy. You’re just busy and peaked my interest all in the same sentence. I trained you well I see.

P. Enough of this, I will renew my membership soon so you can see I still have the strength of youth just so you can continue to age yourself in your head and inevitably rush to a pre-mature death that no doubt you shall somehow bring about upon yourself.

S. Much appreciated, what conversation will I be using to show you how much of a moron you are today?

P. Sex.

S. Why in Zeus’ name would you approach a man who is clearly out of touch with the subject? Why don’t we talk about the republic again?  That was fun, I can tell you how…

P. Cease yourself Socrates, the youth is in danger.

S. Well do continue on then, Aphrodite knows I love the youth. But we really must continue our conversation about the republic sometime.

P. We shall, but I have priorities.

S. But of course you do, you are here. How can I help you?

P. First let me explain.

S. That would help

P. Oh shut up.

S. You’re asking for a two-page monologue that puts you in your place.

P. As I was saying…. This morning I spoke with a man by the name of Ethicus.

S. Where was it you spoke with him?

P. What does that have to do with anything?

S. Just curious.

P. I was at my cousin’s house, there for a morning swim. Anyways as it turns out Ethicus is the brother of Sessile, the woman I wish to marry.

S. You wish to marry? I thought you were engaged already, didn’t we talk about commitment and loyalty not three moons ago?

P. Yes, we are engaged; I simply use my developed sense of diction to enhance our discussion.

S. Sounds more like leaving yourself a back door. This is the problem with all of you philosophers, more unpredictable than the wind itself.

P. Can we talk about this later?

S. As you wish, (whispers under his breath “piece of dung”)

P. (Interrupting and pretending not to hear his friend’s muffled slights) Ethicus is renown around the city for his boldness and has proven himself many times with the politicians and businessmen of the city to be one of the best speakers.

S. Evidently his reputation is accurate?

P. Indeed, as I was taking my bath he burst into the room and asked me if I was sleeping already with Sicilia. As I value her honor I told him we were saving the act for the wedding night. (Socrates bursts out laughing). How dare you!

S. Oh, I mean no offense my dear friend. If anything I applaud your valor for her honor.

P. Surely you would have done the same thing in my shoes.

S. You mean sacrifice my integrity for my love’s honor or use her honor to coward from a man who by all means intended to hurt you? Or more, lock myself into condemnation.

P. I am sorry Socrates, but you assume too much now.

S. Well then allow me to inquire.

P. But of course.

S. You say that you deceived Ethicus for the sake of his sister’s honor?

P. Yes indeed.

S. And you sit here now informing me that you indeed have had sex with her therefore disgracing her honor, which you claim to protect?

P. Yes but you will not judge her and reject her as he would!

S. Hmm, very true, I did not consider this, so it is not her honor that you protect but her acceptance?

P. They are the same, without honor there will be no acceptance.

S. And why is this?

P. Because her family and friends have set standards that she must live by.

S. So in order to be accepted, to be loved, she must align her public image of herself with whom she is?

P. I’m afraid so.

S. So she is working to earn a love by someone she loves for a self who does not exist?

P. Harshly put, but yes.

S. I see.

P. What did you mean when you said, “I lock myself in condemnation”.

S. Ahh yes, forgive my memory that was all of two minutes ago, I believe I said this because you yourself have a judgment, or so I shall presume.

P. Judgment?

S. Yes, you see, by fabricating your response you have implied that you in some shape or form feel guilt for your actions because you do not openly take claim to them.

P. This time you do misunderstand me.

S. Explain.

P. I myself do not feel guilt for sex. I love sex. I love her. And sex with her is the most beautiful thing I have experienced while on this earth. But I recognize that Ethicus does have a judgment about our having sex so I do deny to him the truth.

S. So you choose what to tell to others based upon their judgments of right and wrong in place of reality?

P. In most circumstances, yes.

S. So, let me ask you, do you do this with me?

P. Certainly not, never have I felt pressure from you to answer one way or the other so I always find myself giving you the truth. Perhaps if I did not speak truthfully with you then I am indeed guilty of guilt.

S. Indeed. So while you attribute your dishonesty towards Ethicus to his moral judgments he would attribute your dishonesty to your suppressed sense of guilt?

P. I should think so.

S. This is a cycle I’m damn thankful not to be involved in.

P. You’re making me jealous.

S. Should we talk about it?

P. For heaven’s sake, no. I wish to talk more about sex.

S. I’m afraid that is it for me today Plato, I have a racquet ball game and I’m already late. Can we talk tomorrow evening?

P. I would be honored, good luck with your match.

S. May I give you some homework?

P. Yes, please, these days of teaching and preparing for the wedding are quite unfulfilling for such a distinguished philosopher.

S. Please go to Ethicus and explore your perception of what is his judgment, you may or may not tell him the truth, that is your matter, but I instruct you to explore openly with him and do not become defensive upon your difference in what is right and wrong.

P. Does it count if he is drunk? Tonight is my cousin’s birthday.

S. Oh leave an old man alone already

P. I have done as you requested!

S. And?

P. I was quite surprised.

S. Hmm, congratulations, either you were “right”, or you have failed to explore objectively.

P. Allow me to tell you what happened before you dive into your ocean of pre-conceived verbalized assumptions you arrogant rat.

S. Very well, pray tell.

P. During my dear cousin’s party I waited till Ethicus and I were alone together to inquire to his question the other day, I approached him by telling him I had done much thought about his question concerning my sex life with Secila and wished to know the reason for his inquiry.

S. Sneaky one aren’t you.

P. He said that he simply wanted to be sure that I was respecting his sister’s purity.

S. Then you bowed down and gave him a kiss?

P. Exactly, and so the night ended.

S. If it ended there you must have…..

P. After he told me he was respecting his sister’s honor I did give him praise, I also asked if he himself had waited prior to marriage for sex and he informed me he had not.

S. Ha, the cycle is complete, good gravy, sounds like he knows you’re lying.

P. (Ignoring the old man’s outbursts as he did more and more frequently as they grew more comfortable with each other) I asked him, “What of your wife’s honor”?

S. You a piece of dung.

P. Now why do you say this, I simply wanted to point out the hypocrisy of the matter.

S. May I ask you a question?
(Plato nodded his head as he took a sip of wine)

S. Let me say that in our line of business there are mainly two reasons to ask questions, one is to serve, the other is to be right. Which one do you think you were aiming for with that question?

P. To prove myself right.

S. Exactly, and now you have a conversation that ended in you being right instead of developing into a possibility for him to grow and explore with you. I would have to chose to explore with him the reasons why he did not wait for sex and why he expects you to, foolishly it seems he thinks you a better man than he is.

P. Then I will go to him and explore more.

S. Go anywhere you like, I have to argue with a young man about the rhythm of poetry this evening for a few hours, stubborn little…

P. What is his name?

S. I forget, Aristocrat or something like that.

P. Aristotle?

S. That’s the man, pudgy little fellow isn’t he?

P. He is one of my best students.

S. It would figure then that he is my second biggest pain in the neck.
As Socrates sits writing and smoking, a loud voice calls out from the hallway “Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, the explorer of man, guided by his compass of humility, his map of wisdom and his senile sense for adventure, Plato.

S. (Socrates sits shaking his lowered head mumbling to himself) Thousands of candidates, hundreds of geniuses, plenty of them worthy, how did I end up with this one?

P. Good morning Socrates, I have brought you muffins.

S. Awww, chocolate, my favorite, how did your adventure of a discourse go my dear lad.

P. I must tell you Socrates, if ever I stand firm in my presumptions again without exploration ever again remind me of this circumstance.

S. (Muffin in his mouth) on the condition you get rid of Aristosies or whatever that boy’s name is, he continues to challenge me, now with arithmetic, prideful little devil.

P. Yes, well, back to my story. I asked Ethicus to come join me for a game of word jumble and after three hours of the game and copious cappuccinos I inquired more to his thoughts regarding sex.

S. Congratulations (pieces of muffin flying everywhere from out of Socrates’ mouth) And?

P. He said that although he had loved the sex he very much wishes he had saved it for after his marriage. I asked him why and he said that in hindsight it would have been better to honor his wife’s virginity than enjoy her purity pre-maturely. (Interrupted by a rupture of coughing from his friend)

S. Dear Gods, this man is more conflicted than…. Well, I should say he is about as conflicted as two opposing people.

P. You say this because he lives in retrospect?

S. Yes, because the person he was making the decisions he did are far different than the person he is regretting the decisions he made. You see people change with years, not progress or regress, simply change. Now who knows what he would do now if he was in that situation, but just because he may now condemn what he condoned years ago doesn’t necessarily make him a hypocrite.

P. But it is as if he has transformed into an entirely new person! As if he is two people!

S. Not just two my dear boy, we have been and probably all will be many different people with many different personalities, that is not to be too unexpected if we hope to grow is it?

P. I suppose not. But what do I do from here?

S. Well, I’ve never been one much for hiding what I believe or do.

P. You don’t say.

S. You have many options and I encourage you to seek your own, the most responsible are probably the most simple though.

P. If you tell me we can go to that Irish Pub down the street from my house tonight.

S. Ultimately you can choose to decide to start abiding by their request, rule, suggestion, whatever it is and let them know that it would not be your “road” of choice but out of respect you will take it. Or you can accept their judgment and possible rejection and go down your path creating the map of your life on your own together. Those are the choices that come to my mind at first anyways; obviously there are many irresponsible ones all around.

P. Thank you Socrates, you have helped greatly.

S. Anything for a friend, or a Guinness.