Successful Living > Ground Rules > The Rules!

Life's Ground Rules

The Rules!

The guiding principles to a fulfilling life

I. Love God: Principle of Primary Alignment

Jesus taught us that the first rule of life was to love God with every fiber of our being. Historically, both Jews and Christians have agreed on this as the primary means we must employ to honor God's commandments (or ground rules).

Why do both Jesus and King Solomon link the love of God with the following of God's universal law? Think about it. How do we show our parents we love them? We follow their directives. How do we demonstrate love for one another? By respecting each other's wishes. How do we prove loyalty to a country? By respecting its laws. Should we show any less respect to our Creator?

The Hebrew Proverbs repeatedly tell us that by continuing to understand and apply God's rules we'll be truly successful in everything we do: "Put God first and He will reward your efforts with success, renewed health, and vitality."

If you are out of alignment with your Creator's purpose, your life will constantly veer off the path that leads to successful living. Being out of harmony with the Rule Maker means that being in harmony with others--or even within yourself-- is impossible. To enjoy a long, productive and contented life, work to see that your beliefs and actions are consistently in alignment with your Creator and His ground rules

II. Love Yourself: Principle of Self-Creation

How we relate to others is a direct reflection of how happy we are with ourselves. Therefore, we need to first love ourselves before we can love others. Of course, we don't mean a shallow, self-centered, narcissistic love that blinds us to true healthy priorities, responsibilities and others' needs. Rather, self-love in this sense is a realistic acceptance of who God has made us to be. Since God loves us, we know that it's okay to love ourselves, "warts" and all.

Mature love means that we'll act wisely on our own behalf, to properly steward the mind-body-spirit and the "gifts" God has given us, to realize our Ultimate Purpose.

This essentially means that we will act as our own best friends and benevolent coaches, encouraging, disciplining and rewarding ourselves along life's way. In this way, we continue to "re-create" ourselves (self-creation). Every decision we make-hundreds, maybe even thousands a day-either reinforces old habits and beliefs or creates new breakthroughs and insights. Most everything that happens to us, for better or worse, is a direct result of one of those decisions. The process of re-creating ourselves (so we can better align ourselves with God's love for us) - who we are, what we value, how we act - begins new each and every day. God gave us our body, mind and emotions. How we program (or self-create) our "hard-drive" or "being" is up to us.

"Garbage in, garbage out" was a popular expression used in computer programming circles a few years ago. This phrase also can apply to our "self-programming." What we feed our bodies or put into our minds (what we focus our attention on) affects our emotions and our state of mind - and will ultimately determine our mental, physical and spiritual fitness. God does not make us guilty, sad, lonely, anxious, emotionally numb, jealous, envious, bitter, greedy or ignorant. These negative emotions are the result of our poor self-programming choices, or our acceptance of the definitions of others. They are also the consequences of violating the creator's Ground Rules, made specifically to give us an abundant, successful, productive, and contented life.

If we love ourselves in a healthy way that honors God's wisdom in creating us, including our unique personalities and talents, we will continue (with God's grace) to increasingly reflect God's goodness, love, and joy.

Conversely, if we fail to respect God's creation (us) and His ground rules for living life, we can turn something potentially beautiful and life enhancing into something ugly and life diminishing.

This is the challenge of "self-creation" -our thoughts, emotions, and actions program state of mind and our consequent behavior, literally creating the "self" we project to the world around us. And the way we present ourselves to the world - wise or foolish; aware or clueless; energetic or lethargic; trustworthy or dishonest; responsible or irresponsible; courageous or cowardly; open or closed; giving or selfish; secure or insecure; arrogant or humble; authentic or artificial; optimistic or pessimistic; accepting or judgmental; cooperative or belligerent; loving or cold - not only dictates how people react to us, but reinforces how we think about ourselves (worthy or unworthy), and even how we react to opportunities. (Most of us ignore or invalidate opportunities based on the lack of worth or "positive possibilities" we assign ourselves).

Whenever we make a choice, we must think about the consequences and ask ourselves, will this choice help me align with God's ground rules, or will it cause me internal dissonance and incongruence?

III. Love Others: Principle of Harmony

When we are aligned with God's ground rules (Rule I), and have fully accepted who God created us to be (Rule II), when our world is in harmony-internally and externally-life is both exciting and rewarding. Unfortunately, since most of us are out of harmony internally, we are externally out of balance (with those around us) as well. Because we spend most of our lives with other people and almost all our endeavors involve others, this disharmony is at the heart of most of our unhappiness.

What fuels most of our complaints, heartbreaks, grudges, judgments and disillusions? Others! What is the source of most of our stress, bitterness, cynicism, fear, anxiety, paranoia, insecurity, resentment, envy and even hatred? Other human beings are (or, to be more exact, our "out-of-harmony" perceptions and subsequent reactions to others are).

Because God loves each and every one of us, He wants us to be in harmony with others-for our own good, and for every one else's! That is why Jesus' second greatest commandment (as the Bible terms it) was to love other people as yourself. (In Matthew 22:39 Jesus is actually quoting from Hebrew Scripture -Leviticus 19:18-summing up "God's laws".) Now we also see the wisdom in loving ourselves. How can you actively love others (i.e. care about or for them) when you treat yourself poorly?

Much of Jesus' core teaching centers on loving others. In fact, He made loving others the ultimate test of whether one could really claim to be His follower. When we follow this ground rule-treating others justly, with respect, generosity, and compassion-God treats us the same way, and so do most of the people with whom we have relationships. This is another way of saying you "reap what you sow," you create your own "karma," or "you get back what you put out."

If you want others to treat you well, treat them with mercy, empathy and compassion .Do you want forgiveness from God (and from yourself!) for things you feel guilty about or ashamed of? Then forgive others! Do you want people to be generous to you? Then be generous to others and not just those you want to curry favor with.

IV. Love God's Creation: Principle of Stewardship/Responsibility

We were created to love and care for all of God's creation, beginning with ourselves, then others, and finally the flora and fauna and the environment itself. We are given a choice: to either live in harmony with God and His creation, wisely employing our resources and "talents" toward managing the part of the creation we're responsible for (such as family, job, business, community), or to instead exploit, plunder or trash the creation.

The right choice, the result of the "wisdom that gives us discretion," leads to a long and prosperous life. This prosperity manifests itself not only materially, but also emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually as well.

Conversely, when we choose "Looking Out for #1" (the title of a best-selling 1970s self-help book) as the primary motivating force in our life-at the expense of the rest of God's creation-we make a detrimental choice that contributes to pollution, corruption, poverty, war and death.

V. Sharing Your Blessings: Principle of Reciprocity

God's ground rules and principles for successful living teach us how to access and apply the wisdom we need to be prosperous, healthy, productive and contented. Specifically, Jesus offers us the way to an "abundant life," Jesus taught that when we give generously to others (i.e. of our time, talent, love and finances) God, in turn, is very generous to us. In other words, enjoying a wholesome prosperity, we must share whatever we have been blessed with.

Ancient Hebrew Scriptures tell us that if we honor God with the "first results of our labors" we will be prosperous beyond imagination (Proverbs 3:9, Malachi 3:10). Traditionally, this has been interpreted to mean giving away 10 percent of your income (or more) to your temple, church, parish or directly to the needy themselves (Matthew 25, Luke 10, James 1:2, Proverbs 3:27).

Remember the old adage, "It's better to give than to receive?" This saying originated not with "Madison Avenue" but with Jesus (Acts 20:35). As author and business leader Tom Gegax notes in his work, Winning in the Game of Life :

"Giving to others-whether time, attention, love, money, or our other unique resources-is a natural extension of feeling gratitude for being alive. As we harvest good, we're also obligated to plant the seeds that will help others yield their own harvest, as well as replenish our own. Rephrased, if you want to keep it, you have to give it away. Being fortunate enough to have resources to share doesn't make any person better than anyone else; but in fact gives us an added obligation. This also can be a deterrent to spirituality, if we focus more on the things we accumulate and consume than on nonmaterial, spiritual matters. Ultimately, the blessings we have spring from a divine source, and we are simply their stewards." (xx?)

God, in His magnanimity, rewards our generosity. And generosity is the key. Our rewards in life are commensurate to our giving-in other words, the Universal Law of Reciprocity. If we hoard our resources of joy, love, kindness, generosity and encouragement, we receive scarcity in return. If we give our time, energy, compassion and finances generously, we receive blessings (II Corinthians 9:6).

Incidentally, affluence (from the Greek word "to flow to") denotes "to flow in abundance." Obviously, nothing fluidic flows if it's clogged or intentionally dammed up. If you wish affluence and abundance to flow to you, you must also initiate your own flow to others.

Another benefit of giving generously of your time or finances is that it just makes you feel so much better! Giving removes the focus from yourself and your problems, and places it on helping others whose needs are probably as great-if not greater-than your own. The remedy for the "woe is me" syndrome is to stop your pity party and get a "reality check" by helping others! An added bonus: A recent University of Michigan study concluded that people who volunteer to help others not only lead happier lives, but live longer as well!

Still, it's important that we think not only of material or financial compensation, but also of "true" wealth. We all know of people who seem to have everything money can buy, but are, in reality, desperately unhappy. Inside they're empty and lonely. Their relationships are a mess. Money alone can't replace health, meaning, purpose and love: the ingredients of an abundant life! Most of all, money can't replace a connection to God.

Our generosity, exercised in accordance with God's ground rules, brings not only financial increase but spiritual, mental and emotional wealth as well. Truly this is one of the keys to the "abundant life!" Try it today. See if you don't start feeling better as soon as you begin increasing your generosity-to your family, friends and community-or maybe to the impoverished and abandoned children around the globe who don't have the advantages of adequate food, clean water or medical care (See the excellent children's website at www.chrf.org).

You'll notice that as you let go of your belief in scarcity (thinking you will never have enough) and begin to act more generously, you will start to feel more successful (particularly if you hold the theory that only successful people can afford to be generous); and you will automatically start to shift to a belief in abundance (having more than enough). Since we usually get what we focus on, the focus of our attention and intention facilitates subconsciously programming us for success or failure. You will notice that as you move from a self-limiting set of possibilities to an unlimited potential, more opportunities (financial, relational, spiritual) will begin to appear (or at least you begin to notice them). This, of course, is merely one way God helps us to celebrate life when we follow the ground rules.

VI. Keep in Touch: Principle of Connection

How do we stay connected with anyone? Through communication - the more enthusiastic and frequent, the better. Whathappens when we fail to communicate? We feel lost, alienated, disgruntled and generally unhappy. "Failure to communicate" is a major cause of divorce, family feuds, broken relationships, bankruptcy, lawsuits, job terminations and war.

Likewise, when we fail to communicate with the Source of our Being, through prayer and meditation, our relationship with God and His world deteriorates. We begin to believe that, for better or worse, we are on our own. We get over-confident or under-confident. We forget about God's ground rules. Disaster often ensues.

Without prayer, we can't express our gratitude to our Creator, and we can't ask Him for help. We can't confess our shortcomings and failures, and receive forgiveness-so we're stuck with the end results of guilt, regret and shame. Without quieting our mind and spirit through meditation, we can't hear God's reply or receive the gift of His peace.

Whether your prayer is the "personal/conversational" style favored by some, silent meditation, or the more formal prayers preferred by the older faith traditions, what really matters is that you open a dialogue with God today. "E.T., phone home!"

VII. Celebrate Life: The Principle of Pleasure

Life should be a celebration! Every minister, therapist, counselor, rabbi or priest understands that people move toward pleasurable experiences and away from painful ones. Would you rather go to the dentist or to a movie? Go to work or to the beach? Take an exam or a nap? Confront an adversary, or hang out with a friend? The answers to those questions are quite obvious.

The real question is, do you think God is also in on this universal secret? Or are you convinced He is a cosmic killjoy, only demanding of us things that are obviously painful and unpleasant, like some of the ancient mystics who felt driven to whip themselves for their sins?

The wisdom of the ages drives home one particular message: Following God's ground rules leads to a long, fulfilled and prosperous life. Many people of faith fail to enjoy this "abundant life" because they choose to focus solely on "salvation" for the next life, and ignore many, if not all, the rules for success in this life. The key is being able to manage both!

There is more to life, however, then the pleasure of fulfillment, prosperity and contentment. The sages found in Proverbs, Psalms, The Songs of Songs and Ecclesiastes advises us to find pleasure in the beauty of God's natural creation in art, music, and in our friends, food, drink, children, and of course, our mates.

Obviously, pleasure must be savored within the context of prudence and responsibility, which is taught side by side with the "pleasure principle" in ancient wisdom books.

Thus, sex is great, but adultery is forbidden; good wine is to be enjoyed, however, drunkenness is prohibited. Food is fun, but gluttony is a sin; partying is joyful, but not if it replaces productivity. Once you know the ground rules, you can let your conscience and common sense (a by-product of wisdom) be your guide.

God has created us to be exquisite "conductors" of His divine pleasure through our minds, spirits, emotions, eyes, ears, nose, mouth and millions of nerve endings. The oldest Christian churches, dating back to the very beginning, including the 1,500-year-old Byzantine tradition, believe a sacrament occurs any time God mediates (communicates or shares) His grace (goodness) through a physical act toward us.

Incidentally, the sometimes all-too-noticeable "Church Lady" (a.k.a. Dana Carvey) attitude, condemning almost any physical pleasure as sinful, traces its roots not back to Jesus, but to the Neo-platonic and Gnostic cults that infiltrated the early Christian church. While Orthodox Christian dogma taught that everything God had created was good, and therefore meant to be enjoyed "within the appropriate limits of God's law," Gnostics felt that only the soul and "spiritual things" were good, and all physical pleasures were bad.

Consequently, many mystics castrated or whipped themselves, and generally deprived themselves of pleasure. Their descendents can be found throughout modern Christianity, particularly in various cults and "fundamentalist" sects that still prohibit dancing, alcohol and most forms of sex.

A strong spiritual infrastructure

These seven ground rules - love God, love yourself, love others, love God's creation, share your blessings, keep in touch and celebrate life - provide a strong spiritual "infrastructure" for living a life of purpose, passion and power. Each principle's universality can be affirmed again and again, across religions and cultures and throughout the history of humanity. They hold up well over time.