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Real Life Lessons

Finding the Gifts in Your "Worst Weakness"
By Kathleen Roberts

No one likes to admit to weaknesses, much less celebrate them. However, there is much wisdom to be found in letting go of our resistance and actually endorsing, not just accepting, our weaknesses as well as our strengths.

"If you accept your limitations, you go beyond them." Brendan Francis

How do we humans usually deal with our weaknesses?

Typically, we overcompensate, avoid, self-medicate, hide, and struggle to overcome--all things that take huge amounts of time and energy, leaving us less time and energy to develop our strengths. After employing these techniques, we still end up feeling guilty, shamed, frustrated, or diminished because our weaknesses don't disappear.

Why not try a different approach and find the strength contained within the weakness?

Rather than avoid or compensate, get to know your worst weakness intimately. It is often a disguised strength and the more you get to know your weakness, the more you will see where the strength lies.

The first step is to look at your weakness objectively and truly accept "what is." Yes, it's true--I am a very disorganized person and I am terrible with details. You're no longer denying or resisting. At this point, you may want to do something about it, yet you'll be doing this from a different perspective than before. By looking at your weakness objectively, you can begin to appreciate and respect it and as a result, you will heal it, strengthen it or accept it.

Heal it. Find the strength in the weakness. If you want to know what your strengths, gifts, or special qualities are, start first with your weaknesses. They will point to your positive traits and show you the opportunity for desired growth. A disorganized person who is terrible with details may be a visionary, someone who loves the "big picture," a creative.

Strengthen it. Focus on the gift/strength contained in the weakness. Spend your energy where it really flows and moves you forward: creating your vision.

Accept It. Accept "what is" and delegate the details. You are now focusing your energy and time where it really matters--maximizing your strengths and gifts.

Here's an example from personal experience:

I have a wonderful sister whose worst weakness is probably her inability to say "No", set appropriate boundaries around her time, and allowing herself to be "used." As a consequence, she feels guilty, weak, a "wimp" and tries very hard to "be tough" which doesn't work and is a real struggle for her.

What is the hidden strength in being a "wimp"? What's the flip side?

• She loves to please those she cares about;
• She's responsible and reliable;
• She's kind and generous;
• She's nurturing. Pretty attractive qualities, right?

In this case, what becomes apparent is that her weakness is actually an extreme version of her strengths. Imagine what might happen if she were to take a close, intimate look at her "worst weakness" and see what lies within it. If she were to own both sides of this weakness, some results might be:

• Increased sense of self worth and self appreciation;
• More awareness and enjoyment of her strengths and less emphasis on the weaknesses;
• A consequent increase in her willingness to set more appropriate boundaries due to her heightened self-esteem.

When you can endorse your worst weakness, you can more fully accept the humanness of others. One of the great benefits of seeing the strength in your worst weakness is that you'll be able to respond to others in a similar fashion. You'll take things less personally and be less affected by the "humanness" of others.

What is the benefit of this for you? When you accept, respect and celebrate all of you--strengths and weaknesses--you will waste less precious energy on negative emotions, become less judgmental of yourself and others and create the freedom to nourish and grow your Lilies that hide among the weeds.