Successful Living > Real Life Lessons > Think Before Speaking

Real Life Lessons

Think Before Speaking
by CV Doner, PhD

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1-2)

Clearly one of God's ground rules is the same thing every good parent teaches their kids: "watch your mouth." Unfortunately, our kids are watching our example rather than listening to our words.

How many times would you have been better off, if you'd actually thought for 30 seconds before speaking?Will this hurt their feelings? How would I like that said to me? Is this something I'd like to hear? Does this make me sound like an idiot? Is this how I want to represent myself? Will this motivate someone to do what needs to be done or just tick them off? Did they totally understand what I just said (before issuing your next statement); did they really "get it?"

Personally, I've found that when I speak (or e-mail) in anger, it's always a mistake and those spiteful, hurtful words uttered in a moment of irrational anger can never ever be withdrawn. Unfortunately our words, unlike a defective product, cannot be recalled: "Sorry, damaging words will be recalled and fixed." Instead we leave a loved one, friend or co-worker with permanent scarring.

Angry or ugly words can wound deeply enough to guarantee us a hurtful backlash-igniting a never-ending cycle of verbal or even physical retaliation. This is how wars start, whether between nations, or people and the results are the same-devastation-emotionally, financially and even health wise.

Rules to remember:

• Think before you speak. Be sensitive, empathetic.
• If really provoked, take a brief break or at least count to ten (slowly) and thoughtfully develop your response.
• Never call on the phone or e-mail in a fit of anger(which always wants to be released on its intended target immediately), wait a day or two, or a week or two. Think it through! Often the situation clears itself up, or at least becomes clearer, giving you a new perspective or allowing you to forgive and forget and move on.
• If you blow it (and you will at times, no one's perfect), saying, "I'm sorry, I was wrong; I'm only human" will go a long way to remedy your indiscretion. In the final analysis, whatever comes out of your mouth determines whether people experience you as a person of wise counsel and prudence or a thoughtless fool.